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Dealing with Grief – The Stages of Grief

October 8, 2009

It’s hard to believe that after 30 some years I am still dealing with the grief of miscarriages.   There are specific stages that you go through.  They are fluid, may come in varying order.  The may continue to show up long after you think you have dealt with the loss.  I honestly thought I had dealt with  the losses and moved on.  I now realize that I haven’t really.  I am  convinced that you keep dealing, especially when you least expect it.  The trick is to recognize the grief and the stage.  As Dr. Phil keeps saying, if you don’t acknowledge the problem, you can’t fix it.

Stage 1 = SHOCK or sometimes called Denial

Stage 2 = Flood of EMOTIONS, usually fear, anger

Stage 3 = BARGAINING, ( God, If you do x, I will do y), ( If only I can fix A, then B will happen)

Stage 4 = Depression, GRIEF

Stage 5 = ACCEPTANCE, has to be both intellectual and emotional

3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 10, 2009 2:01 pm

    Great… So I may continue to deal with this for another couple of decades? I mean I know grief is different for each individual but… Peace can be so elusive at times.

  2. October 10, 2009 2:57 pm

    My favorite way of looking at this is that we take our stuff, think we’ve dealt with it, put it in a trash bag, and throw it out into the ocean. The problem is, it keeps washing back up on shore, at odd times, at odd places, and now it’s a mushed up mess. The trick is to recognize it for what it is. It’s just the traces of that first life changing event. I have found that I can now recognize certain things that seem to trigger the grief. That makes it easier to deal with. I can see it for what it is, kind of like phantom pains one gets if they have lost a limb. Peace is elusive, but maybe your peace is just a new kind of peace. You are a different person now, so your peace is different from what it was before. The good news is, the more you deal with it, face it head on, the easier it gets. Yes, you will never be the same, but I am truly thankful for the growth I have allowed from myself to experience. It has brought me to a better place. Don’t give up! 🙂

  3. lighthousegal permalink
    November 1, 2009 10:04 pm

    About 17 years ago we miscarried, never to conceive again. Then almost 5 years ago I had a hysterectomy for medical reasons. There are still times I am surprised by the depth of emotions I feel regarding fertility. I was looking through the Walgreen’s add just a minute ago and felt sadness that I was never going to need one of those pregnancy tests that were on sale. It always amazes me how those emotions blindside me.

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