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My Son’s Growing Vocabulary

June 11, 2010

My son is now 9, and just finished 3rd grade.  This has been a huge year of changes! 

His grades improved :)   He’s taller :)      He’s beginning to really be a help around the house :)

Sadly, both Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have bit the dust :( 

Maybe the best part is that he is really funny!  We have gotten past the burp, pee, poop, fart, gas, penis, and all other sorts of bodily functions  &/or body parts imaginable jokes.  Okay, he’s a boy, so those jokes aren’t gone.  He just tells them to his daddy now, and then they both laugh.  I continue to frown, like a good mom should.  Anyway, since this joke telling thing is rather new, sometimes I forget about his new skill.

We were driving home from school when it happened.  By the way, isn’t it amazing how the male species is genetically unable to carry on a conversation of any length, except when he is in a car?  Sorry, I digress.  Back to the story. 

 He used to warn me when he had something really big to say.  He would always start with, Mommy, can I ask you something?  When I heard that, I new to grip the steering wheel tightly, because what came next was always big!  Imagine what happened, when out of the blue, with no warning whatsoever, he said -

Mommy, what’s a p#ssy?

I immediately shreeked at the top of my lungs, and promptly drove off into the ditch!  What happened to his tag line?  Where was the warning?  Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he feels he can ask me anything!  But does he have to ask it while I’m driving a lethal weapon, tons of metal and steel and glass?  Putting our lives at risk, not to mention the other poor drivers on the road?  Oh, I can hear it now,  I’m sorry officer, my son just asked me what a p#ssy was, and of course I had to drive off the road.  Sorry.

I continued to shreek things like:

Never use that word!   We don’t say that!   Where on earth did you hear that?  That is not a nice word!  I never want to hear you say that again!

I finally got the car back on the road, all while I was shreeking like a crazed drug addict in need of a fix.  At the same time, he just kept saying,

Okay, but what does it mean?

When I finally slowed down my impending cerebral hemorrhage, and took a breath, I answered -

Well, it’s the private parts of a woman, it’s her vagina. 

Oh, is that all.

Is that all? (My blood pressure began to rise again!)  We don’t say that because it is saying that person is less than a person.  It is a very dehumanizing thing to call someone. I’ts like the person is less than you.   It’s just not nice!

Hmmmmmm.  Okay.  Mommy, what word starts with f and ends with k?

Having calmed down by now, I quickly answered with the big F word.  Yep, I laid an F bomb on my son, right then and there!  I didn’t even blink.  I  braced  myself for the next question, I knew would come.  What does it mean?  I was feeling very proud of myself.  I had calmed down, no brain explosion, no more shreeking, I was ready, yes I was.  So, I just laid it out there!   F***k

My son immediately started shreeking -

MoooooooM!!!!!!!!  You CAN”T say THAT Word!!!!!  NOOOOOOO, it’s fire truck!

Yep, not where my mind was headed.  Got to remember, he loves to tell jokes.

One Comment leave one →
  1. lighthousegal permalink
    June 11, 2010 4:44 pm

    ROFL – that was great! The visual of you shrieking and driving off the road – priceless. You laying an F bomb on your son – beyond priceless! Thanks for sharing!

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